Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I had run out of hope.

Why do we let ugly men exist?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Russia’s central bank cuts interest rates for first time since 2022 - Financial Times

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I was tired of trying and failing.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Marvell Stock Slides. Why It Could Be the Cheap AI Chip Play. - Barron's

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Navigating some of the thorny questions of estate planning - NPR

And the sadness?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

What is the difference between heaven and heavens?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of fighting.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

ChatGPT wasn’t built for this, but it’s now the center of my daily routine - Android Authority

You are like me, then.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s still here.

5 takeaways from Seahawks organized team activities | Analysis - The Seattle Times

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

The sadness was still there.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

How does growing up in chaos affect a child as they become an adult?

Be who you already are.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.